since my mother died.
The anniversary was this week; a week with many unravels, pulled foundation stitches, dropped stitches & much casting about, not so much on. If maybe, she had been someone I depended on in my life I would have missed her terribly this week when I was struggling to keep everything from coming apart at the seams. But she was not.
And I realized I am a lot stronger than she was. I have been out here without a net, without a lifeline, keeping it together for me kids on my own. I didn't need anyone outside of myself to be strong for, to leave a bad place in order to get healthy, to be on my own.
I am not saying I don't miss her, just that in this crisis I wasn't crying for my mother. There was a moment when I wanted to call my grandmother & a moment when I wondered if not having both this year would make the 13th that much more emotionally difficult. Those moments passed because I had purpose; get us a place to live, find our dogs a foster home, get hired, pack our stuff.
Loss has become part of life this year, more than others. A great love left my life. I lost my Grandmother. Now the time of the Morning Glory Cottage has come to an end. Everything ends.
We get to the end of the skein & have to decide what to do next. Sometimes we can start a new ball of yarn. Sometimes we have to bind off.