I wanted someone to be here to hold me, to be there at the darkest moments of life because they were already there creating the sparkly ones. I wrote a list to the Gods & Goddesses, Saints & Angels, Beings of Light, to all the Universe. I asked very clearly for the perfect fit. I was so ready to give up on so many things. I even wrote about the only reason I didn't give up was I didn't know what that would look like. You can't frog a life, not really. I can't pull out the rows until I get to the dropped or twisted stitch and redo the work beyond the point of frogging. I went out on a limb at the suggestion of a very close friend, one who knows my warp & weave better than any other human being.
Thanks to my giving it another go decision, I have now been working with a wonderful man at casting on the foundation stitches of a new life, discussing what we are both made of, what works best with our fiber content - can't mix some fussy dry clean only yarn in with a nice easy care one and not expect pulling, stretching, shrinkage. The fit would never work. Luckily no one is allergic to solid dependable wool and no one is some silly eyelash novelty yarn.
This morning, the most amazing moment so far - I cooked us breakfast; eggs in my Grandmother's cast iron skillet, bacon in his Grandmother's cast iron skillet. I think the sleeves will match. I think that even though we bring different dye lots, the differences will imperceptibly blend. No, I am not crazy enough to be constructing a boyfriend sweater! I have enough faith to knit a project fit for a King, a husband. Forget the silly old knitter wives cautionary tales of doom spelled out by sweaters for men. I don't like knitting sweaters, anyway. :) Tricksy me.
Already I have worked two small household, practical projects & vacillated between the right colour choices for a third, more personal an item, nowhere near a sweater, just enough. Now I have them and I am meditatively counting stitches and rows to keep him warm when I cannot.
We are about to add in the very lovely, necessary threads of each of our children to this work of art. He has the pattern well thought out, he has practiced, he has been doing his research. I am ready with my skills, my intuitions, my mad Grandmother Spider weaver ways to construct a tight knit, sturdy, durable tapestry with him. We are in partnership in this venture.
We are more than that - we are in love.